The Ancient Society of Stonecutters is a fictional secret society from the animated television show The Simpsons conceived of as a parody of secret societies in general, and Freemasonry particular. Founded on extreme secrecy, its members include various Springfield residents — such as Montgomery Burns and Carl Carlson — who enjoy special privileges, such as free soda and vibrating chairs. Meeting every Wednesday at a giant pyramid-shaped building, they pay homage to their Sacred Parchment, then get drunk and play ping-pong. Each member of the Stonecutters is assigned a number based on the order in which they joined, their leader being Number One (voiced by Patrick Stewart). Interestingly enough, almost every adult male of Springfield is a member of the Stonecutters.

After joining the Stonecutters, Homer Simpson used the Sacred Parchment as a napkin, destroying it. After being stripped of his Stonecutter robes, it was discovered that Homer had a birthmark identifying him as "The Chosen One" who was destined to lead the Stonecutters to greatness. Homer's reign would ultimately lead the Stonecutters to break away and form a new society, "The Ancient Society of No-Homers," headquartered in an abandoned Baskin-Robbins ice cream parlor. As one might expect, Homer was not allowed to join.