Format of the Show

Performed by Danny Robins , Dan Tetsell and Marcus Brigstocke, the Museum of Everything is a comedy radio show that previously occupied the coveted 6:30 comedy slot on BBC radio 4. Now in its second series the show continues to use favourite characters from past episodes as well as creating new ones.

Set in the fabled "Museum of Everything", an apparently infinite space housing exhibitions of everything from the history of stairs to the greek buttock gallery.

Each episode opens with an announcement in the Museum of Everything, followed by an introduction by the guides, before moving onto various sketches, each based around one aspect of museum culture. Visitors are encouraged (at gun point if necessary) to go into the gift shop. In the first series, each week there was a visit to Badger Land, which has been replaced in the second series by a segment examining a series of hobby magazines allowing you to buy a variety of ridiculous items. The majority of episodes are rounded off with a special "interactive" exhibit.

Favourite Characters and Themes

The Guides

These two museum attendants are armed with west country accents and their trademark phrase of "cheers and thanks and cheers and thanks and". They pop up throughout each episode to remind us of museum attractions, rules, and so on. They always manage to twist the usual museum rules to their own benefit somehow. Remember: Please do not leave unattended bags anywhere in the museum. They will be stolen. By them.

The Announcer

Every museum and attraction has one - an announcer with a very nice voice that says the most mundane and ridiculous things. In the Museum of Everything, this has been taken to extremes. As well as staff announcments ("Will Mr FIRE please come to the flammable items gallery"), she also informs the public about new attractions. The history of stairs exhibit, for example, is located between floors one and two.

The Gift Shop

Whenever the hallowed giftshop is mentioned, a heavenly choir appears from nowhere and proceeds to sing its praises. Stocks novelties, pencils, and more fudge in the shape of famous historical figures than you could shake a stick at. In the recent renovations of the Museum of Everything, the gift shop was the major (if not only) recipient of funds, apart from some rather stylish purple lino of course. After all, the gift shop is why you came anyway, isn't it?

The Idiots

These two idiots are now famed across the land for their attempted (and failed) upper class snobbery, their devotion to drinking games (mostly involving putting their penis in other peoples drinks), and their love of purile and often rude rhymes and songs, as well as weak jokes. They have a tendency to turn up everywhere, irritating all kinds of people from lottery fund personel, to tourists in Italy. Whilst being continuously jovial, they are self admittedly very lonely and detest each other's company. Their finest hour was when they met two German guys of much the same nature when attending a celebration of a twinning of two towns.

Randy and Travis

These two appear to be falconers, or something close. They have a casual attitude to animal cruelty. Randy (or Wandy) has an incredible speech impediment, and Travis has a habit of saying "Nightmare" every so often.

The Film Institute

The Museum of Everything Film Institute. Truly, never has there been a less useful organisation. On occasion the institute will give a public interview of someone who works in the film industry. Previous highlights have included: the bloke who does the CGI on films; and a director so bad that he specialises in straight to video releases.

Badgerland

Now we come to what many people see as the crowning glory of "The Museum of Everything". Ahem.

"There's hundreds of badgers, all under one roof, it's called badgerland, badgerland, badgerland..."

That's right, come to Badger Land, Britain's only badger themed amusement park! Attractions include the Badgerquarium, the restaurant with new badgertarian option, the bouncy badger, the badgercuzzi, and of course, the park mascot - Badgey the Badger (he's got fleas kids!).

A staple of the first series, Badgerland became the most popular section of the show, following in the footsteps of the great British love of badgers... just think of Badger Badger Badger if you don't believe me.

However, at the beginning of the second series, it was announced that Badgerland has been closed. The reasons for this are to do with various infractions of the health and safety code, particularly the numerous cases of mutated bovine Tuberculosis that visitors contracted. As far as we the listener can tell, the only experience we have with a family who have actually contracted this was in fact from when they went to Stoat world.

Indeed there seems to be a veritable pantheon of British hedgerow mammal themed amusement parks, including the aforementioned Stoat World - Stoat world's atttractions include the famed Stoat Moat, as well as the Res-stoat-rant.

There is also a Badger Land Paris, an obvious dig at Disneyland Paris

Part-Work Magazine

In its second series, The Museum of Everything dropped its regular Badger Land slot, filling it instead with adverts for a variety of hobby magazines allowing you to build various items week by week. These items include a life size model of the cutty sark, and a life size model of France (with a bonus magazine allowing you to build the French, if, as the show puts it, you want to spoil it). The introductory prize for these magazines is usually 99 pence, but the regular price ranges from anywhere between £5000 and £1000000000000 pounds.

The Manor

This stately home, opened to the public to raise funds needed because of some misguided banking, is large and impressive. Guided tours are operated by the lady of the house, who makes use of every opportunity to be unpleasant to her wheelchair bound husband, who she blames for their present financial situation. Remember to see the great hall, with its great table, great staircase, and great grate. Following me now...

Brawley Safari Park

This safari park is known for its liberal values, relaxed attitude, and abysmal safety record. Each wednesday the visitors are encouraged to mix with the animal, especially the tigers who need feeding. Every new keeper on his or her first day is required to feed the tigers as an initiation rite - they go in wearing a meat hat. Almost every keeper is a replacement for a replacement. The "head keeper" in fact runs the canteen, and is called the head keeper as on his first day a tiger bit almost all the way through his neck, and he managed to keep his head.

The Giant

This man runs a tourist attraction, claiming it to be his "normal sized village" Since this giant is in fact under six foot, it is in fact a minature village. Has a habit of saying most things to rhyme with "fe fi fo fum", and going "boom boom boom boom" as he walks.